Tag Archives: 4th step

90 days, april 10

Looking back, I think I’d begun the process of the fourth step from the first few days.  Like my life was all contained in a one big box, and I took it in my hands, flipped it over so everything fell on the floor, and said here’s nothing.  What dust is kicked up.  What shattering […]

Fear of the fourth, daily reflection April 9.

I wanted to do the fourth.  I had a hunch – rather, knew as clear as two and two is four – it was my emotional mess that kept me an active alcoholic.  I knew that it was self-hate and deep shame that formed the way I lived;  anything like ‘better’ would have to radically […]

Personally, April 5

I am afraid, I realize, coming up the walk as the grey in the sky shifts from moiled threat to actual water.  The actual air is actual water: not rain, not fog, but mist that soaks everything.  Everything was already wet, treebark and field and last years grasses.  Everything is sponge.  The house stands dark, […]

compass, april 3

There is a compass set deep in the pelvis, I think, though I don’t know where it came from nor if it is made of bone or sinew.  Maybe it’s a compass made of ideas, if ideas could calcify or thread themselves into corporal tissue.  Whatever this thing is it it is central.  It is […]