This page is messy and incomplete and I know it. Apologies.
I promise to fix it as soon as I have a few hours to do so.
Reflection, introspection, and thought are cords binding recovery together and part of the process by which we become better human beings. There is AA literature, and devotional literature, and self help elsewhere. Here is the spiritual quest of an atheist, hungry and curious. Loosely, I’m going to explore the “12 steps” a month at a time. Understanding that they’re a ladder, and that ‘recovery’ is just the beginning of it.
JANUARY: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.
Accepting the Unacceptable, January 31
Acceptance, January 30
Try, January 29
The now, and the life story. January 28
Lose yourself, a meditation on heart breaking, January 27
Powerful or powerless, January 26
Reflection: Seeing the within, January 25
Paradox: a reflection on powerlessness, January 24.
Plain Living, January 23.
A season of isolated light. January 22.
Honor the flaw. January 21.
Love the flaw, Spiritual, not Religious. January 20.
Amends. January 19.
Beginnings, Ending. January 18
The thread of honesty, January 17
The importance of say, January 16
Unmanageable life. January 15
Surrender: swallowing grief. January 14
Life can never be long enough, January 13
What I called scar, and named it world January 12
Powerless, January 10
Speaking out of silence, January 9
Blessings of Silence, January 8
The Silence, January 7
The Jumping off point, January 6
The door of January, January 5
Enter, January 4
Admitted, January 3
Ministry of boiling water, January 2
New. Now. Forever., January 1
FEBRUARY: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
After the battle. February 28.
On Loving. February 27.
Reverence and power. February 26.
I’ve come to believe. February 25.
The spiritual path is an unmarked dirt track, and humble. February 24.
Prayer. February 23.
Divine intervention. February 22.
The atheist at prayer. February 21.
Soggy with mercy. February 20.
Leaping into faith. February 19.
Restored. February 18.
Alcoholic Insanity. February 17.
Brought to our knees, February 16.
Honest. February 15.
If god is love. A life of intimacy. February 14.
Unsane. February 13.
Doubt. February 12.
Spying on God. February 10.
Word made flesh: alcohol, insanity, belief. February 9.
Something larger than yourself, February 8.
Step Two as Rallying Point, February 7.
Sanity as perspective, February 6.
Self defeating, February 5.
Restorative Sanity, February 4.
Restore us to Safety, February 3.
Heart work, February 2.
Step Two, February 1.
MARCH: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Relief. March 31.
Relativity. March 30.
Need. March 29.
Saints, poverty, and letting go. March 28.
Learning to be alive. March 27.
Angels, demons, and history. March 26.
Shape of a bird. March 25.
More pang, more sweet, more human. March 24.
Meditation on snowmen. March 23.
Full moon at copper lake, March 22.
Grace notes. March 20.
Guilt and shame. March 19.
Robins from other places. March 18.
Disappearing, reappearing in surrender. March 16.
Winter passage. March 15.
Moodswings, and swinging on the gate of calm. March 14.
A spirituality of acceptance. March 13.
Karma and Truth. March 12.
Karma and the third step. March 11.
Strength in Storm, March 10.
Down Wall. March 9.
Prayer and Winter grasses. March 8.
Braving the Shadows. March 7.
Gifted. March 5.
Ceremony and commitment. March 4.
Sweet nothing. March 3.
The shame that binds us. March 2.
Step Three: Returning to Normal. March 1.
OCTOBER: Continued to take a personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
Continued (Keep Coming Back!). October 13.
The Consequences. October 12.
On Pilgrimage. October 11.
Naked. October 10.
Hygienic Philosophy. October 9.
Path. October 8.
Time and Accomplishment. October 7.
Essay on Weeping. October 6.
Riddle on Sweeping. October 5.
The Fucking Lot of Them. October 4.
Personal Inventory, October 3.
Fool Human. October 2.
Continued, October 1.
SEPTEMBER: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Earth. September 29.
Take It. September 28.
The Long-Haul. September 27.
By heart. September 26.
Prayer. September 25.
Foolishness. September 24.
Accident. September 23.
Humanity, September 22.
Daddy. September 21.
Exile. September 20.
Devil Theory. September 19.
Inside Animals. September 18.
Blind and Drunk Swayed. September 17.
Fluency. September 16.
How It Works. September 15.
Obsession, Like Jazz. September 14.
Spun Merry-Go-Round, Stood Revolution. September 13.
Burning. September 12.
Apology as Heaven. September 11.
I know who I am. September 10.
One of them. September 9.
9th. September 8.
The Algebra of the Universe. September 7.
Hope. September 6.
Tabula Rasa. September 5.
Amend. September 4.
Always. September 3.
Apologies. September 2.
Borders. September 1
AUGUST: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
That Art. August 30.
That, that hawk. August 29.
The Song Culture of Birds. August 28.
Migration. August 27.
Floored, and Faith. August 26.
Change. August 25.
Loneliness. August 24.
Falling, Shame. August 23.
Shame. August 22.
Power. August 21.
Take. August 20.
Spirit. Horses. August 19.
Greater Life. August 18.
Black Bear. August 17.
Redemption. August 16.
Billie. August 15.
Step. August 14.
The Ceaseless Will in Things to Survive. August 13.
Prairie Swell. August 12.
Concentrated Universe. August 11.
Tvat tvam asi. That art thou. August 10.
Summer and the Divine. August 9.
Story. August 8.
Wrestling Proteus. August 7.
A beautiful evil. August 6.
I said nothing about heaven. August 5.
Icy couch, empty space, falling in. August 4.
Not braids, tangles. August 3.
The Deepest veins of emotion, August 2.
Made a list, August 1.
JULY: Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings.
Philosophers, Students, Artists. July 31
Storm. Prayer. July 30.
Boundaries, (Peach). July 29
Faithless Human, Honesty, and the Saving Net July 28
The Urge to Esteem, July 27
Sleep, July 26
Hunger, July 25
Sex, sense, the erotic and being a good person, July 24
Strength and Weakness, July 23
Virtue, July 22
Theories of Relativity, July 21
The Last Eulogy I Wrote. Wrote with a Bottle of Jamison, July 20
Joy Deep as Pain Is, July 19
Suffering is a reason to love, July 18
The Seized Opportunity Renders Hard Joy, July 17
Boy, July 16
To stand by the self, July 15
Pathology and Passion, July 14
Light, July 13
Love, July 12
Unwholly love, July 11
Dogsbody, July 10
The River, July 9
Connect, July 8
The Completion of the World, July 7
Soul, July 6
Independence, July 5
A smallness, July 3
Powerless over self, July 2
Life with no god in it, again, July 1
Life with no god in it, July 1
JUNE: Were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
Ready, June 30
Fear, June 29
Sloth, June 28
Envy, June 27
Gluttony, June 26
Anger, June 25
Pause and Break Through, June 24
Lust, June 23
Greed, June 22
Pride as Regression, June 21
Pride, June 20
Intimate, June 19
Character as fate, June 18
For the Birds, June 17
Wandering, June 16
Austen and Character Defects, June 15
Deer in headlights, June 14
Instinct, June 13
Removed, June 12
Noble, June 11
Stillness, June 10
Loosed, June 9
Heal, June 8
Be different, too, June 7
Voices in the Head, June 6
Personal, June 5
Be Different, June 4
Touching Peace, June 3
Let Gone, June 2
Step Six, Deeper, June 1
MAY: Admitted to god, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Sense and Sensibility, May 30
Rock in Winter, May 29
Prodigal, May 28
To another human being, May 27
A description of body, May 26
A description of breaking, May 25
Unconditional, May 24
Crime and Punishment, May 23
Nature of our wrongs, May 22
True Healing, May 21
Bewildered, May 20.
Lengthening Light, May 17.
Resolved to landscape, May 16.
Admitting god, May 15.
Be loved, May 14.
To god, May 13.
Telling, May 12.
Cold Tulips, May 11.
Clear Water, May 10.
Be Still, May 9.
Birdsome prayer May 8.
Recklessly standing still, May 7.
Confession as freedom, May 6.
Habits of suffering, May 5.
Faith and the fifth, May 3.
Compassion and the 5th, May 2.
Markings, May 1.
APRIL: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Generation. April 6.
Why do a fourth step? April 5.
Fear. April 1.