I sometimes feel like a muttering idiot. I cannot much tell the difference between what I am saying, doing, and what is typically called madness. There are days the difficulty is so big I can’t even form the questions. What does Kansas City have to do with pilgrimage, I mean. This is a ridiculous thing, …
Generation: because the act of writing about my alcoholism turns out to be the act of writing about my father’s alcoholism, and recovery from my addiction is actually a recovery from his. They say that. That alcoholism is a family disease. Give or take genetic tendencies, we are who we are because we are what …
Looking back, I think I’d begun the process of the fourth step from the first few days. Like my life was all contained in a one big box, and I took it in my hands, flipped it over so everything fell on the floor, and said here’s nothing. What dust is kicked up. What shattering …
I wanted to do the fourth. I had a hunch – rather, knew as clear as two and two is four – it was my emotional mess that kept me an active alcoholic. I knew that it was self-hate and deep shame that formed the way I lived; anything like ‘better’ would have to radically …
